ms_jadey being herself

Bear with me

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 16:35:08 GMT

I will not be updating here as frequently as before.
If it's not here, then it's somewhere else.
Once the objective over at the other side is achieved, then it's back to here again.
I can never stay at one place for very long in the WWW.
Nonetheless, click here for pictures fresh from the oven if you are interested.
I always tell myself i write for myself so it doesn't really bother me even if nobody reads anything i say.

So good night and i will see you when i see you ;)

a public gallery

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 16:21:09 GMT

Hi,

Burppppppp.

I'm so food. My cousin and friends brought me to this hotel behind Thai embassy to eat buffet as the restaurant is having ladies' night on Monday.
It wasn't really fantastic. The spread was limited. And so were the desserts even though i'm not big on desserts and chocolate.
After dinner, we spent like 2 hours looking through our combined 4 Gig of pictures (i contributed 2 Gig of them).
How could time pass just like that? Two weeks already and i have only managed to do collages for Day 1.

For pictures, please go to here.

This xanga site is like my public gallery when i wish to share pictures publicly with my frens. I will still write here and occasionally when i post pictures there, i will update here for my own reference 10 years down the road. Hurhur.

Monday. What did i do? I built a site for this product and am very pleasant with the result. I learnt how to do clipping masks in AI. And tomorrow, i'm going to start learning Macromedia Flash. Everyday, i learn as i work and by the time i'm ready to leave, i'm so much more prepared for my new job equipped with useful skills.

Alright! 1 week plus to my short getaway cum work trip to Bangkok. Will be there for 9 days!

mum great 60th

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 04:56:30 GMT

My mum just turned 60 (according to the lunar year) today.
She's 36 years older than me (Yea i know and my bro is in his late 30s).
She will be the greatest mum i ever, ever know.
Mum always makes sure i grow up without feeling like we are deprived of anything just because dad left us early.
She is as strong as a dad can be (both mentally and physically) and as houswifey as any mum can be.
I know i can never ever repay mum for the giganormous number of things she has done and sacrificed (and will continue to) for me in all my 23 years.
Yes as cliche as it may sound, without my mum, i wouldn't have come so far, till this date.
I heart you, mum!

For her birthday this year, it's special because kim and i started working so we chipped in with our brother and sisters to buy a gift for mum to commemorate her for turning 60.
We went to the jewellery store at Marriott and it is amazing how generous the discount was just because my sister is a director in the hotel and that they knew we were celebrating mum's 60th.
What we got eventually was a jade peach pendant encrusted with diamonds on top which is worth $xxxx.
I assure you my pocket wasn't exactly burnt because of a generous 70% discount!
Mum seems to like it because she is wearing it now.
As long as she is happy, i should be too.
Despite the fact that work has kind of get to me lately.

I was just given the job scope for my next year (dun think i will stay that long) and my boss accidentally included her fav's list together with mine.
So i did a comparison and i realised what i was given might just be the leftover duties that is left after she allocated the more important tasks to her.
Well, what can i say?
I probably will voice it out but i know it doesn't really change anything.
Yeah, maybe a few superficial changes here and there to make me happy enough to keep quiet, but still, the dynamics of the team will still remain.
Ok.Whatever.
It was never my intention to stay so long and after i'm back from the bangkok biz trip, i will be done with this company soon as well.

Anyway, it's a saturday and we are supposed to enjoy it.
Half of it is gone anyway because i had training in office this morning. Pointless. Really pointless.
Once he comes, i know he will swing me into lalaland again.

So enjoy ur weekend too!

Learn to say 'no'

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:16:43 GMT

At this point in time, the anti-drugs campaign rang a bell in my mind. I remembered the message that came across strongly, "Learn to say no to drugs."

How many times have we consented to an outing or an assignment or a favor just because we do not know how to reject the other party that request for that?

I'm not sure how true it is, but as we grow older, the less we say 'no'. Or is it the other way round?

My colleagues have gone to JB today. I was supposed to go. Last Friday, i went with them to ktv. I was so tired. So not in the mood to sing. But i still went. I questioned why. Then i realised because i didn't want to drop out of the so-called clique. I didn't want to be left out. But today, a strange relevation took over me. When they called, i said 'no.' I no longer want to tag along to some activity just because i don't want to be left behind, and not because i genuinely wish to go. It's tiring for me this way.

Then my uni friends said to go ktv today. Remember the time when i got mad because i realised they have been leaving me out? So i tried to go everytime they remembered to ask me along. Then i grew tired. Why must i go just because they asked me to even if i was tired and reluctant to go? Because i didn't want the one time that i was absent to be a perfect excuse for them to use when they leave me out another time. But this is getting tiring.

Social gatherings are supposed to be fun. Opportunities to catch up with old friends, reminisce about the past, spending time with people whom you used to see everyday. But if every occasion turns into an obligation and a fear of being left out, then i see no point in doing this anymore.

Is being jaded in joining such social outings part of growing old? If it is, then i have to admit. I.am.getting.old.

The next time i'm joining a social gathering, i want to go without feeling obligated. I want to genuinely enjoy spending time with my friends and colleagues. The thing i need to do now is to feel less obligated. I didn't realise i have such a strong urge to belong. It's ok to be alone sometimes, i must continually remind myself.

stranded

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 06:36:01 GMT

Argh!!! I'm now stranded outside the office. Normally, there will be people. But on this unfortuante day at this dark hour, i'm being locked out. I am now sitting on the bench, typing on the laptop and fortunately for me, i am still able to get online and then transfer files from the server so i can at least do my work at home. So blardy suay!

Before i go off, here's the white beauty i mentioned. The one thing that i can't bear to leave behind in this company will be it. Soooo beautiful.

Updated: Now i'm in. After 45 minutes of suffering under the hot weather. Another female colleague who does not hold the key just came in. How come she's so lucky? Argh!

stylishy white

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 14:35:09 GMT

How come everything that is in the white version always looks better than it's black version?

Like my sony ericsson w810i. Saw the white version at Comm Asia. Damn chio and they are only bringing it to the market in August, according to the local marketing manager. WTH. I say, bad marketing strategy!!!!!

And woo-hoo1 I'm loving the white beauty i'm using now for work. They got me a new Compaq laptop in crystal white. So much lighter than the toshiba and so much smaller too. See? Small is beautiful. Hurhur. Damn chio can?

I want to put up ALL my Japan photos cos i already miss the place. 7 days of pure indulgence in kawaii land. Universal studio, temples and more temples, charms, everything japanese, moving hotels everyday, tempura for every meal, using Yen to spend, Tokyo Disney land, volcano, Mount Fuji and the bright tokyo streets. YOU have to stay tuned. I am mostly likely going to put them up plus commentaries for my fading memory of a holiday i truly enjoy even if i dun have the company i wish for at blogspot. Much easier than doing collages. Haha. So i can publicize on msn as well. Hmmm... narcissistic me!

Oh! Can i say i'm secretly getting excited about my work trip to bangkok early next month? Haha... SHOPPING! I'm planning to leave earlier so i can have at least 2 days to shop. Accomodation can be settled at the company's condo in Thailand. Yay! Who wants to join me eh?

Alrighty. Quite a superficial post but it's fine with me.

Night!@

that's how best friends should be

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 10:59:55 GMT

It's amazing how someone flawed like me can have people who love me and embrace me for who i am.
For instance, him. Going to the airport at 12am from chua chu kang just to fetch me home.
For example, my family. For always giving to me and expecting nothing in return. Which is why i'm happy i bought a little something for everyone in the family during my Japan trip at the expense of my own spending.
And of couse as i look at the following pics, Seph. Who has been with kim and i for as long as i can remember since our communist school days although we only got close during JC days. She is the unsung heroine who waits patiently for us even though we are forever late. She who is the constant mediator when kim and i disagree. She is the one whom i turn to when i'm upset at work. I was touched when i was one of the first she called back in Australia when something happened to her family because it shows how much i matter to her. Really. She is one heart-felt friend. Babe, i HEART you!

These pictures below were taken on a casual sunday when we decided we should just take pictures randomly outside Century Square. And of those pictures we took, we developed one each and put it into our wallet. How juvenile but still preciously treasured.

My besties and I. (my lazy version)

Seph's girly version.

And Kim's colorful version.

Nice right?

PS: A lot of people are not mentioned here but they are also precious to me :)

to japan and back

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 08:37:28 GMT

Ohaiyo everyone!

I'm now waiting at the Narita airport for my flight back to Singapore.

Japan has been so far so good. I took like close to 800 pictures and it's amazing because i just took whatever i want, wherever is nice. The weather is so hot now. But the people here especially the sales assistants have been very friendly and polite. The Jap girls here are so pweeety!! Things here are definitely not cheap. A normal looking bag or top can easily cost you 50 bucks and the better and prettier ones cost at least 70 bucks! So damn expensive.

Universal Studios was fun. So was Disney Land. I bought a little something for everyone at home. My hand luggage is this enormous Tokyo Disneyland plastic bag i bought to put in all my shopping hauls. On my head now is the Mickey Mouse cap i bought for myself as a souvenir. It has been a short trip but it was fun nonetheless.

I am really tired now. So i may seem a little incoherent.

3 minutes to go before my 100 yen for 10 mins internet service expires. See you when i'm back!

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 17:43:48 GMT

I realise i have been pretty boring so to liven it up a little, i bring to you my hyper-active, super-duper adorable and beauty queen pretty, Gen Gen! And before that, i need to SCREAM!!!!!

CommAsia 2006 is officially O.V.E.R!!! My persistent nightmare has ended after so long. After 4 days of long hours standing on the feet, weeks of preparations and countless heart attacks, i'm just so relieved and glad it's over. I'm so worn and drawn out. Yet, a little happy my HUGE burden has been lifted. But yikes! I'm leaving for Osaka (Universal Studios!) and Tokyo (Disneyland!) on Sunday and bag's not packed and i have only 10,000 won with me. I have never been this unprepared for an overseas trip and under-excited at the same time. I really hope i will have fun. Not only that, i will be 80% confirmed going to Thailand at the end of July for a week on a work trip. SHOPPING!!! Life just gets better, dun you think? My foot! I have a cursed life all along.

Anyway, back to the main point, that is to present my really pretty and 200% over-cute Genevieve on a weekday at the new Cathay.

Imitation pigs

Ain't our tongues ermmm, long?

Awwww...Don't you just want to bring her home and hug her like a life-sized doll?

Dream on, kim.

She's supposed to look scared. And she's quite natural doing it.

Fly me to the moon eh?

Gen sure knows how to imitate

Lightning McQueen. Cars is a great movie!!!

We love garfiled, in more than one ways!

Gen gen's got so many different expressions for the camera!

Ben and Jerry's are the best ice-cream around! Sucha a great hanging out place too.

Isn't Genevieve such a mega-babe in the making?

Elasti gals?

Family of 3. Does she look more like mum or dad? I always tease my bro-in-law on how pretty he looks if he were a gal since gengen looks more like him, don't you think?

Final picture of the day. See that grouchy face?

Alrighty! I'm going to upload more pictures!

CommunicAsia 2006

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 12:05:28 GMT

It feels like a long time since i last logged in here. My eyes are better now. Thus far, i have seen 3 GPs and 3 opticians and it was unanimous that my eyes are generally okay though i have not fuily recovered the vision on my right eye. Been told to put on daily lenses instead. Expensive but i have no choice. I'm vain in this way. Hehe.

This week marks the beginning of our 4 days exhibiton at Expo. Planning started about 2 months ago.
From the start when i had a small 3x4 booth to the 6x4 booth now that is fully furnished with a cost that came up to around $40,000. You can't imagine how much effort i had put into this booth. It is proportionate to the money put into it as well.

It feels like the process of giving birth from when the booth was just an empty rented space to idea generation, conceptualisation and finally materialization. From nothing, to something and then to everything. It may seem like nothing to you, but it's something to me. Hurhur.

My first major trade event with me being the main organizer.
I was truly involved fromt eh beginning to now.
I proposed my ideas for the booth, convinced my director, sourced for my own model and booth vendors, communicated to the booth designers on how i want the booth to look like, asked for our own designer's help to come out with the floor layout for the models, came up with my own promotional plans, designed my own posters (despite having bad eye inflammations), stayed back office almost every day a week ago to check every detail, worked on both weekends, monitored progress of models and booth setup, handled my own logistics and took charge of the whole booth.

Everything is stamped with my name which means i had a part in everything. Something i'm satisfied with because it's something i can call my own. Not forgetting of course the people who helped in big and small ways to make it possible for me. I am truly indebted to all the favors people carried out for me. I never forget to give people where credit is due. Really. People love to be appreciated. The same applies to me.

So i'm going to reward myself by enjoying myself to the fullest for my Japan trip next week. Woo-hoo, the excitement is breeding in me already! And i haven't even packed my bags. Till now, i still can't believe i'm going Japan! Haha. My mum is the greatest tho it's a pity she can't go because my sis is actually quite alright now.

By the way, luvdeez, i saw your boyfriend today when he came to our booth to look for Johnny. He looked smart in a suit and pretty friendly. Both Johnny and him were guessing how we knew each other but i refused to tell. So it's up to you to say. Johnny tried calling you but couldn't reach you. Shawn said you were at some conference. Imagine that. I saw your boyfriend before i have a chance to bump into you! We shall meet someday soon on the streets!

By the way, i shall leave you with a pretty good-looking collage my sis did and whom hinted i should put it up and of course, give her the credit so everyone can 'admire' her art of work. Pui pui (tho it really it's not too bad). Photos were taken during that fatal night at Butterfactory when the birthday gal was gone so soon and i had the bad eye inflammation the very next day.

blind as a bat

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 09:54:01 GMT

I am nursing a very bad case of eye inflammation at home right now.
It was very bad and it is still quite bad.
On Saturday when i woek up after a night of clubbing, i couldn't really open my eyes. They stang and hurt so much all i wanted to do was to close my eyes and lay in bed.
They were bloodshot and filled with visible veins. I was a scary sight and my worst fear was to lose my eyesight because my eye infections were never soooo serious!!!
Went for a review this morning and although the doctor felt it was good enough, at this moment while i type, i am still suffering from blurred vision and high sensitivity to light.
My weekend was bad. Totally wasted and again, i worked till 5am today because my eyes weren't in their best state. If not for Kenneth's help, i might have not been able to sleep the entire night.
I'm in a very bad shape now. Or at least my eyes are.

Around the same time last year, i never expected i would be leaving for Hongkong.
In less than two weeks' time this year, again, i never expect but i am going overseas again.
This time, as i have mentioned, i am going JAPAN!!!
The land of kawaiiissss!
Al thanks to the mum whom i am always indebted to.
I am going with my aunt and cousin and her church friends.
Am going to fully enjoy this blessed trip no matter what. SO yay for me!

We went to Butterfactory last weekend supposedly to celebrate Huishan's birthday. But she was gone (dead drunk) so soon, the patry ended early in the place and extended to 1-2 hours outside the staff exit where someone laid flat on the ground and happily slept the nigth away. Last i heard, she couldn't even remember she was comatosed for a while outside Butterfactory. Told you she was gone. Bwahaha. Hopefully pictures together with the rest of everything will be up soon. Procastination and i are still hanging out a lot together. Hurhur.

Ok. Got to go! And let my poor long-suffering eyes get the rest they need.

PS: Pardon for all mistakes spotted cos i can't be bothered to check lar.

Last, i leave u with a pretty collage done by Seph and directly ripped off from her blog (hope u dun mind!), when we went out last, last friday.

hey u sleepyheads

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 20:25:46 GMT

Hey you sleepyheads,

It's 418am and your poor friend here is still semi-awake. Am very tired and hitting the sacks real soon.
Can you imagine clubbing tonight?
Hurhur. I'll see how long i can last.

I was this close to going to Japan at the end of this month because mum wanted me to go in her place.
I shall leave out the details why but i just hope my sis and her yet-to-be-born child will be fine. Like really really fine. Please pray for her if you can. Thanks!

My eyes are giving me problems again even though i changed a brand new set of contact lens again! Not only that, my com is also going on strike. Been in and out of the doc's these two days. Must have been overworked cos it works as hard as me for the whole of this week. Argh! I hope it's fine. Thus far, it has fainted twice already. They sorta of did a re-format for me except that my files are miraculously all saved tho i have to re-install every program which kind of sucks. My USB ports don't work anymore which means i can't charge my phone when it goes flat on me. Like today. Basically, have been damn suay.

Okdokie1 Sleeping time!

My infected red right eye. Please please recover soon!

awake at 5am

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 13:36:26 GMT

I dunno what's got into me but i had been working on one of the AO posters that is to be put up for CommunicAsia for several days already.
I can't settle between lack of inspiration or having too high expectations for the reason for the long delay.
So i worked and worked on it till time slipped by and before i knew it, it was freaking 5am today!
There was no way i could wake up in time for a 830 weekly meeting and last till 6pm.
That explains why i'm on MC today which my mum thinks it's stupid because no one would have known it was because i had worked 5am the day before.
You have to understand everything from idea, concept to design is done in-house for my company. So as a marketing exexcutive, i'm actually a (amatuerish) designer as well. Hurhur.
And of course great pieces of work comes with much time and effort. So. This should explain why i always take so long to come up with something good.

People have been asking me why i had cut my hair and then why so short.
First, why CAN'T i cut my hair? Everybody's got bad hair days when they just wish for a good hair-cut to solve every problem.
Second, it's not even SHORT in the first place lor! I can still tie (struggling) my hair lor.
Haiyo! Please understand hair grows and i dun think i look any weird or less pretty (or ugly for that matter) with shorter hair. Hmph.

And my mum is going to be a traveller. She's leaving for Beijing next week with my sis-in-law(work trip), brother and Mabel. 4 days later after she comes back, she is going Japan with her sister!!!! All without me! So sad. And broke. And wanting so much to go on overseas trip other than to Malaysia. Someday, i'm going travelling to Australia and New Zealand too. Yah, someday.

Ok. Back to work. Took MC but am still working secretly because nobody actually knows i'm working. I have such a sad (but occasionally happy) life. After all, i'm meeting the girls to go clubbing this friday (in a long while)!

By the way, i insist i dun look weird (as according to ONE person who said i do). This was taken immediately i heard that weird comment. Not WEIRD at all!

a change again

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 16:27:41 GMT

Hey,

I have been wanting to share some of the pictures i have taken over the week.
You know when you have a new camera, or for that matter, a new camera phone, u tend to enjoy snapping away all the time?
I'm going through this phase now so i have A LOT to share but then again, i have not much time nor energy to put them all up.
Probably will do so by this weekend, if possible.
Procastination is still like my best friend so it follows everywhere i go or what i do. Hurhur. How apt eh?

Anyway, my point is, i sort of had a rude awakening of sorts regarding issues pertaining to friendship.
I have to admit, i do neglect my friends sometimes and to a large extent, i did minimal in keeping up with friends.
So for the past week, i have been meeting up with a few people whom i have not seen in a while though i know they have been here occasionally to check up on me. Poeple like dear ol' seph and ms cai. Thanks for catching up on me all the time!

Work thus far, has been busy due to the coming exhibition. Still, though i no longer express it so directly, i am still not feeling that great about working. I just do it because it's something i have to do. I want my bonus due end June so i can't leave any earlier than 1st September after i have fulfilled the one month's notice. Anyone with any good job lobang might want to consider telling me. Ok?

By the way, i cut my hair short again. Not sure whether it's a good move but i think i have to learn to accept it. Change is good and i always remember that hair will grow back anytime :) Anyway, it's not that bad wat, right? Except i think i look like i put on extra 5kg. Hurhur. My face is so ROUND and chubby now.

Before:

After:

See you!

hey sista! what were you thinking?

Tue, 30 May 2006 16:29:43 GMT

**********of weird sister**********
My sister is weird.
I told her we will be meeting our mutual friend this friday when i thought we were both free.
Then she said we were supposed to go with another mutual friend to PC show/IT fair on friday when we had agreed on Saturday.
Today, when she heard i'm going ahead on Friday since i already made arrangments and asked her if she wants to join us, she went all out instead to make appointment with yet another mutual friend.
The thing is, if she is available, why can't she meet together with the mutual friend i already made arrangement with since she claimed she has intentions to meet her this week as while?
So now, it's like i'm going out with our mutual friend and she is going out with the other mutual friend i'm thinking of meeting sometime next week..
My thought is: Why can't we meet one mutual friend together at the same time and the next, another time together?
Why must she separate us so that at any given time, there can only be two parties around?
Weird. Damn weird. Am i just over-thinking or she is just weird?
Hey sister, are ^youthinking straight?

**********of being bitter**********
When people or things disappoint, we just have to console ourselves somewhere, somehow, we are just reading too much into things. So much for reading between the lines. I say, see it as it is. Feel it as it is. Say it as it is. The world continues to move forward whether you like it or not. So, let's engage in forward-thinking and not petty dwindlings.

**********of being a good person**********
You got to be proud of your friend here.
I did a good honest deed last friday when i bought my new phone (am luvin' it!).
After all that trade in and sign up for new line, i was supposed to pay around 400 bucks (partially sponsored).
But that poor boy who just ord-ed miscalculated in a hurry, and undercharged me by 200 bucks!
I realised it when i was on my way to the cinema but i thought maybe i was the one who assumed it wrongly, so i gave myself 50% doubt and continued as i was late for X-MEN III (the final installment is alright).
I happily messaged my sister (when she was normal) and told her about it.
15 minutes, i received an sms from her:
Haha and u thot the m1 guy is really stupid arh! He just called our home! Give the poor boy a call at 81882242. His name is john.
I was like: Damn it! There goes my 200 bucks!
The evil side of me wanted to just ignore that poor guy who is working in his first permanent job but of course, being a firm believer in karma and all that thing about what goes around comes around, i went back to the m1 shop and returned him the money.
He was like so shaken (must have gotten a scolding) and then dumped all the Xmen goodies into my m1 paper bag it threatened to burst already.
200 bucks of should-have been pocketed savings in return for a grateful soul and good conscience heart. What do you think?
I think it's worth it because the phone has been giving me so much joy and entertainment i never regret buying it.
In case you are wondering, it's a sony ericsson phone in black. Hurhur.

i'm never going uninvited again

Mon, 29 May 2006 13:58:47 GMT

My so-called friends make me feel like a fool.
I REALLY shouldn't have gone uninvited AGAIN.
Fine if i'm perceived as being petty.
But i think i have enough.
Right, i will seal myself in my own world.
And i'm capable of making myself happy, even if it means getting upset first.

I think i have enough. Yah. It's all my BLARDY fault.
I'm always in the wrong for whatever happens, or i'm made to believe so.

No one should treat me well. I deserve nothing. Abo-fuckin-lutely nothing.
Excuse me while i hibernate.
And learn to master the skill of self-companionship.

i hate those who make me feel this way because they will not know what i'm going through.

I am just me and myself. In this world that is so small, and my woes are so aplenty.
Time to count my blessings. DO i have them in the first place?
Ya. A body that moves, a mind that thinks too much and an OVER-SENSITIVE heart.

Go ahead. Just dun care about me.

perhaps waking up early on weekends are the way to go

Sat, 27 May 2006 09:15:35 GMT

Everyone,

I.am.innocently.happy.

Does it come across like a sweet relief because your friend here seems always in perpetual whinning mode all this while?

I've got so much to say. Of being good-hearted. Of impulse but very satisfied purchase. Of her niece's sports day. Of her joint online purchase that came in such a big and unexpected package.

And i will add on soon!

nobody likes to be left out

Thu, 25 May 2006 03:08:10 GMT

So it seems someone has conveniently left me out of a gathering of sort sand i can't help but feel sour about it.
Nobody likes to be left out, or maybe it is just me who doesn't like being left out.
Okay. It's my bad sometimes i don't join them. Like their KL trip. It's not as if i didn't want to go!
Anyway, i will get over it.

She told someone else we don't communicate. That's why she doesn't know what is going on.
A perfectly imperfect excuse for all the cracks that we have.
So now she is trying to communicate with me and it's not that i do not appreciate, it's i don't know how to go on pretending.
Anyway, i will adjust to it.

Mum dumped my cheque into an account inaccessible to me.
I tried to tell her how i work and plan my finances.
She wouldn't hear of it. And so i'm upset as she is.
Anyway, we will be fine.

As you can see, i don't wake up from a bed of roses everyday now.
But i will learn how to get past it.

When everything else doesn't work, i depend on my optimism. Whatever little is left.

getting drunk for the first time in my life

Thu, 18 May 2006 17:03:42 GMT

B**** said something (i swear if she says something like this to me again, i will spill the beans on her darkest secret and she will live to hate me) to me on Tuesday which affected me to a certain extent that i wanted to just release all the bottled up emotions i have been keeping for this long.
So in a timely fashion, BBC suggested ktv.

Kelvin, the alcholic who BBC wanted to recommend to Ms Cai, is a bad, bad, very bad company.
With him around, there will always be a continuous flow of beer.
So i drank and drank and drank. And lost count of how many of those mugs i drowned.
On average, i drank 1 jug of beer or slightly more than that, according to those who drank with me. Wow. New record for me eh?
The last time i went to the toilet at Crystalbelle, i vomitted my dinner out.
Prior to this, i have never ever gotten drunk or this close to being drunk.
Fortunately for me, while other people cry or turn violent when they are really high, i just blabber non-stop. So on and on i went talking ridiculously (not anything about work) throughout the ride home without making a big ridicule out of myself.
As it is, i already feel like a fool getting so upset over work and the two people who don't really matter once they are out of my life.

Anyway, all i want to remind myself in this entry is that i'm never ever going to allow myself to be affected by people who manipulate me.
Right after this episode, i decided to put everything behind me and move on when the time is ripe.

My attachment supervisor sent me home today and she rightfully pointed out that i like to keep everything bottled up till the time i break.
She claimed she could sense i am not really happy working anymore but all i can say is, i don't like to relate to anybody at work about everything i'm going through or putting up with. People talk and have their own interpretations on matters.
I choose to remain silent because i know that's the best way i deal with such situations. I don't have to explain to anybody about anything and i don't need anybody to do anything for me.
Having said that, i don't mind telling my friends about anything because i trust they know the kind of person i am and also,the fact that they do not know those two people will mean that i'm not setting up a mutiny against them!

I have always been this way and i will remain this way. See? This is post hangover. I can't even write coherently!

PS: I'm fine and looking forward to moving on. Yay!

i'm happiest with people who have no hidden agenda

Sat, 13 May 2006 16:56:49 GMT

i'm an actressin my own life

Sat, 13 May 2006 15:46:47 GMT

"Look at this brochure. Isn't it great?"

My boss asked the general manager from Malaysia.

"Yah. It's good and looks professional. Who did this?"

I inched a little forward, curious to know what she would say.

"Oh, B**** did this herself."

Right. What a liar. A great actress. Someone who demolished all my efforts with her one single sweeping statement.

I wanted to say there and that in a pathetic effort to stand up for myself," How about me? Have you forgotten that i was involved in the project from start to finish? Am i transparent? Do you disregard me so much you do not care about how i feel when you said those lies? Aren't you ashamed?"

Of course i didn't I'm a coward when it comes to myself.

Then B**** intercepted in a hypocritical way because she knew i was there.

"No. Jan and i did this together. It was a joint effort."

Why did i say it was hypocritical? Because when i'm not around, she goes around telling people she did the brochure ALL BY HERSELF. Once, another colleague saw a copy of the brochure before it went to print. So the colleague asked her whether she did it. She said yes, she did it herself. Grrrrreat. Like she was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. As in the case of most of the things she had done, she had merely stolen other people's ideas and made it seem like it's her own.

Stumped with B****'s truthful remark, my boss then added.

"Oh ya. Jan and B**** did this together."

Like she had short-term memory or something. It was a desperate attempt to cover up her earlier attempted effort erase off all my efforts. What the blardy hell. Bet she did not highlight my 50% contribution to the director as well since she has such selective memory.

I feel so mistreated. So unjustified. So undeserving. I mean, what have i done that my boss see the need to repeatedly treat me like i do not matter? I was so angry and pissed because there was so much i wanted to say right there, yet the words did not come out like they should.
Worse, i had to pretend i wasn't the least affected. I joined them in the meeting, talked to them normally when i wanted to just curse and swear and laughed with them like we love each other so much.

It was all an act that i so unwilling put up. I don't understand why i must hide how i feel. Never mind about promotions, pay rise or bonus. I just want to be recognised and acknowledged for what i have contributed and done. No one likes to be robbed of ideas and their work. Yet, the only rigth thing i can do for myself is to contain the anger burning inside me. I cry when i'm angry. And i can't allow myself to do that.

I just want to move on. Really. How much retail therapy can i afford? How much longer can i tolerate without a messy confrontation? How much can i act? The good times have passed.

financial independence

Sun, 07 May 2006 14:16:46 GMT

One thing i really like about working is the ability to enjoy financial independence.
I can buy anything i want and no one can stop me from spending my own money.
Save for the perpetual nagging from Mum to save (which did worked in its own miraculous way because i do save every month!) and my own guilty pangs from spending too much and giving too little to charity.

Kim and i went shopping at Parkway yesterday. I love shopping at our neighbourhood malls like Tampines Mall and Parkway Parade.
Everything seems so much affordable even if they cost the same when you buy them in Orchard Road.
I don't know about you, but for me, i feel more induced to look and buy more.
I can walk into any store that i fancy at Parkway but i will not do the same in town.
Less crowd is definitely one of the reasons why i enjoy shopping more.

I spent $xxx yesterday but every cent was worth its value.
Kim, arguably, is my best shopping companion.
She shares my taste in earrings, necklaces, belts, bags and our unique love for flowery long skirts.
She tells me when i buy too many shirts and ugly pants from G2000.
She tells me i should buy more attractive shoes than plain black heels.
She reminds me of the ancient date that i last wore a skirt.
She confirms my taste by buying the same wallet as me.
I dare say she must have felt the same about me. Hurhur.

It's really getting out of point but i just feel the need to jot this down because it's been so long since i spent so much in a single shopping trip.
I got almost everything i have wanted to buy. Really. And i feel good about it after feeling so sulky at work every now and then.
Spending budget is surely going to explode with my incessant use of credit cards plus i just bought tops from Zara and Mango in Malaysia too.
On a very last note on this really pointless entry, i enjoy spending my own money.
I earn it. I spend it. I gloat over it. I regret it.
It's all my own business. I like that i control my own business and no one can say anything about it as long as i continue to return mum money, save and pay for my own trips.

Are you enjoying your financial independence too?

we are all back in one piece

Fri, 05 May 2006 11:10:06 GMT

After what had happened during the Port Dickson trip, we were all extra cautious. But like all holiday trips, some things were bound to happen, no matter how hard we tried.

A minor incident happened particularly o me. A few minutes earlier in the LRT, i was trigger-happying and talking with my colleagues, and the next, i experienced blackout and almost, almost fainted. Phew. I honestly thought i was going to die. After a regular size of milo from Mac's, I'm alive again!!! Thank god for his healing power and his good timing so at least i didn't have to walk another long distance getting lost like the rest did. For your information, before this incident, i was hungry, had walked under the extreme hot sun for VERY long and totally normal. Things happened for a reason, and mine is a relief! Be glad i'm alive! Hurhur.

ANother incident that happened was uncontrollable. That is the unpredictable weather. At first when we reached Genting, it was hot, like a regular hot day when it doesnt rain, then 15 minutes into the outdoor theme park, it rained! Like minor drizzle, then sudden heavy downpour. Then it turned small. Then it became big. And small. And big. Then small and finally, finally after we finished lunch, the sun stole a peak from the clouds and gave me a shimmer of light. Jan could at last play in the theme park after 3 hours of agonizing wait and getting pissed with the weather. It seemed like someone up there had a little too much fun with the water hose on that day at the expense of poor us. Boohoo!

Will update soon with pictures (as usual for my own self pleasure). Ktv tonight with the usual suspects!

And, and, and these other suspects, Weiqi, Kim, Simin and Huishan, decided that they should go KL as well. Exactly two weeks after me! They are leaving me out of all the fun. Stoooooopid people. Damn you. May there be rain everyday you guys are there!

We were getting ready to go home.

All 18 of us!

trust is a commonly abused commodity

Thu, 04 May 2006 15:11:55 GMT

When someone keeps telling me stories of how people in my department work, i have always kept an open mind.
Innocent unless proven guilty, that was what i stood by.

However as the story unfolds, and my personal encounters with the exact people increased, i am actually slowly feeling what that person felt.
He was like my director, i was the victimised actress and they are the seasoned actors.

At first, when we first started on the service brochure, it was "We did this together." Gradually, it became, " We did this, but now it is mine." In the end, it became, "Yes, i did this myself."
Know how the feeling of being used and dumped feels like? Leave your milk in the open for one day and taste it. Sour and totally unbearable.
Yet, it happened. Not once.
Okay, like he has said, i'm stupid.

She offered to upgrade my laptop of less than a year. Out of the blue, for no reason.
She did this because she claimed my computer is too slow for all the graphics program i'm using.
It may seemed like an act of kindness but is it really so if in the first place, why wasn't i given the same computer as she when she knows we are doing the same things? Why now after she has threatened AND thrown in the resignation letter a few weeks back?
Is she feeling guilty for always leaving me to my own devices and also for depriving me of opportunities?
Then why is it that she is still continuing to leave me in the lurch?

One cannot disregard the fact that she did suggested to my attachment supervisor, in a fit of anger, to take him and me along so we can form our little own 'happy' department and she can form her own with her.
Is she not trusting me because i was under someone else before?
Haven't i been accomodating enough?

She is known to be a really nice supervisor but also always MIA-ing.
She is known to a selected few as a skilled mood-swinger.

She is known to make use of stupid people like me.
She complains about people talking behind her back but not what she is doing behind everyone else's back.

I'm known to be really nice and happy at work.
I'm actually a hypocrite who is secretly hating my work and cursing the people who make it hard for me.

eh....it's friday?

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:52:07 GMT

Hey yo,

What's up? How's your week been, man, yoyoyo?!?! You gotta chill, you gotta have some fun, ya?!?!

Ok that was my desperate attempt to be cool.

I met up with some hiccups here and there at work yesterday.
I wasn't exactly pleased with my boss wasting my time as i have rushed throughout the week for a leaflet and then she told me, "Actually, we can use the old one." Ouch. Thanks for the slap.
The disparity between her treatment towards my colleague and me is glaringly obvious. Like see it as it is.
Ok well, whatever. I already marked my calendar on the 1st of July.
Nobody likes to be second-class citizen and i believe i have wasted enough time in here. That is my plan. Hur.
So now i resign to my fate (for the next 3 months) and just do as i'm told.
I'll do everything you say, right/wrong/agree/disagree, i will do it. Just 3 more months anyway.

Feeling rotten, i went out to Tampines Mall yesterday and bought a flowery and colourful bra set. Oh my, my most hua-chi and colorful bra set ever. Seeing it makes me feel already happy. What a sharp contrast to my black mood. And in the span of one week, i received two credit cards in the mail courtesy of Kim. Woo-hoo! Both are damn nice because the men don't get them and i got it! You know which cards i'm talking about already right? Pardon me, now is the time when i only just started using credit card so the feeling is damn SHIOK! Though i ultimately pay for my own bills. It's ok because i'm a self-sufficient and independent woman! Cheers to womanhood!

If you don't already know, our ang pow from the governent is already reflected in our bank accounts. How nice eh? We don't even have to do ourselves! I don't feel like doing work cos i'm still sour about the whole thing. Ok. Maybe i will clear some paperwork since i just tidied up my desk. I didn't realise i have such a big table among all the mess.

Alrighty. Just want to say i love fridays because i don't have to report to hell for the next two days!